Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
