you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
