The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dick very happy bro
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
