Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
