hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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