if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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