haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize