I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
