I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize