eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
