It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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