Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize