They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
