dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
