I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
