I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
