READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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