why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
