If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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