I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
