My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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