my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
