he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
