I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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