You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
