Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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