I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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