Tell her she can't have a vagina
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize