He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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