Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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