Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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