SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
