Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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