i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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