he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize