Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i out mim tonsoeep
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize