hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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