he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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