So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
