my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize