Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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