my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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