Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
