just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
