girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
