You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
