Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
