I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
