Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
