I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
