dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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