Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I said "one day" and that day is not today
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
