Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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