I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize