I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
ugly people sure do ruin things
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Randomize
