My friends, they love my intelligence
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
