Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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