I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize