I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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