Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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