I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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