she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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