I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
