I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
