Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
