I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
