just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
