dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
