I just pynch a tree in the face
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
