420 ftw
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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