There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
